Comment on My God, Your Ass

In response to “I'd tune in to the State of the Union address if it read like this…”

Madam Speaker, Madam Vice President, our First Lady and Second Gentleman. Members of Congress and the Cabinet. Justices of the Supreme Court. My fellow Americans.

Two years ago, our nation was in disarray. Covid 19 was sweeping through our cities and towns. Everyone was keeping six feet apart. No one was licking anyone's asses.

Today, thanks to the amazing work of our best and brightest minds, multiple Covid 19 vaccines have been developed, allowing us to return to life as normal. Masks are no longer needed in many situations. Folks are returning to work, kids are returning to schools. Our long neglected assholes have once again begun to receive the attention they deserve.

Just this morning, I myself bent my loving partner over the dining room table, lifted up her skirt, and buried my face between her cheeks. And let me tell you, my fellow Americans, her face brightened when my tongue pushed against her starfish. It seemed futile, at first. But after only a few moments her asshole relaxed and opened up, just a bit, just enough to admit the tip of my tongue. It was a glorious moment, and I will take it as a sign that brighter days are indeed ahead.

But, we aren't out of the woods yet! To bring about that future, I'm going to ask all of you to do your part. Whether you are a man, woman, straight, gay, lesbian, bi, transgender… Whatever your pronouns may be, whoever you love, spread those cheeks. Let your partner give that starfish the attention it so desperately needs.

Our future depends on it.

I believe in you, I believe in America, one America, rimming our way into the shining future.

May god bless you all. May god bless our troops. May god bless the buttlickers and buttlickees.

Goodnight.